The Convict: Cancer Cells

Thank you
Thank you for everything you have given me
A life with many blessings
The fruit of your hard work
You travelled the world in search of success
And the world failed you
You gave back with all your heart
And people failed you
You were faithful to a cause
And that cause failed you
Even me your son
I’ve failed you
I’ve failed to show you how I feel
To show you the love that you deserve
I’ve failed to get to know you better
I’ve failed you in so many ways

And now they tell me
You may have to go
I understand
But I’m not ready
Even with news like this
I’m helpless and unable
To use what little time I have
So much, there is, that’s to be done
And so much to make up for
That trying seems a useless task
Even your dying fails you

I want to dip my heart in fruit
My mind in sweetened butter
I want to melt into a jam
And spread myself
Across the timeline of our lives
I want to stick
And be a part of every memory

So many wars you’ve fought
And now’s the time to fight again
In life or death we all can find a win
It just depends on what we’re looking for
What makes me sad is that I know
You always looked beyond yourself
And made us more of what we are today
So if you pass, a piece of us will disappear
Forgive me dad
I love you
But you’re alone

Operation Infinity – Last Minutes of the Cancer Patient

My heart is a bottomless cup
So let us drink forever
The elixir of life
As it is poured in
Without discrimination

And as our lips make way
To take a sip
An awakening silence falls
The clock does shatter many times
And in its lack of ticking hours fly

Our eyes black holes, like owls gaze
Towards a fire in a cave
We chant a song from long ago
We dance atop the rocky floor
A trance befalls upon us and the snow
Is whiter than the darkness of this room

But there in the distance a shining light
Dragging closer towards our souls
We leap inside the ball of fire
We lose our shape we melt we burn
A scorching pain
With no return

And afterwards we re-emerge
A beam of light we are shot
In every direction
Illuminating the darkness with our arrival
And being darkened by our illumination
We fuse with cricket’s pines and leaves afloat
We fuse with mountains forests and oceans blue
We fuse with planets stars and galaxies
We fuse with everything that can exist
We fuse with time and live forevermore
And deep inside the fabric of it all
We rest and gaze towards an endless wisdom

To think that such a state of mind
Is bottled in my puny heart
I sign the right to give away
But so much in return I shall receive

I smile as they operate
A pain that lines the road to awe
Soon I will leave
Don’t cry for me
I will be busy
There is so much to see
There is so much to learn
And there is so much to be done

Circus Lights – Shattered Dreams of the Investment Banker

This screen
With bleeping tickers
And shining lights
Reminds me of a distant dream

Let’s join the circus
You and I, we’ll roam the world
Make love on every coast
And drink ourselves into a shiny haze
You’ll throw the knives,
That be your act!
You always had a piercing eye
You aim and make your mark right on the spot
You did that with my heart
So I suppose
The world would love you
And I can be your aide.

That’s what she used to say,
But as days passed
We saw the world converge
Into a path
And headed forth
No questions asked
I wanted more
I want the best
Or so I thought
And throwing knives
Just could not make the cut

And lo behold
In my glass place
My office overlooks the world
I see the market move
It represents
The movements of
A million hearts

Some place their fear
Some feed their greed
Some with conviction
Make their mark

Some make a move
Some are too shy
Some sleep with every
Rising shark

And as for me,
I get to watch it all
I place the trade
Enjoy the spreads

But with it comes a haunting toll
I’ve traded dreams of shining circus lights
For tickers flashing green and red
The trading floor a circus field
The hedger walks the line above a net
My boss spits fire from his mouth
And juggles papers back and forth
The clowns shout back and wave their hands
And for the grand finale
A bull or bear

I’ve spread my legs between two worlds
Up to the point where I could feel them tear
And with them torn, my life apart,
My high school sweetheart
She used to prep my lunch-box every morning,
Is just another stranger across the road
In her own office

I’ll place a trade today and hope she buys
Maybe we could touch in cyberspace.

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Death – Slanted Reasoning of the Sick Man

We are all passing by
Dancing through this life
Skipping through the Milky Way
And yet when everything seems to make sense
We lose sense of it all

We age, we grow, we wither
And beyond the silky skies
The mysteries of existence
We cannot look
We cannot see

We try to peer across the corner
We catch our breaths
But yet again death catches us
Empty handed
It visits us in our homes
With no invitation

It enters our families
Makes friends with our friends
Parades through our lives
Uninvited

Claims us all
Claims everything
This whole entirety is up for grabs
Continuously claimed
Destroyed
And then
There’s room for more creation

The newborn is as much a murderer as my sickness
The seed sown deeply into the ground
Drinks from the blood of its predecessor
It could have not existed
Without a death

In search of meaning we say
We’re all connected
We switch our thoughts
We say it had to die
For life to be brought forth

But no,
There is no meaning in life
We know that
And for all we know as well
There may be even more meaning in death
So we are wrong
It is the other way
Its life that kills not death
And so, only in death can we be set free

Eternal Gray – last testament of the junkie

Monstrous tentacles ploughing through my veins

Reaching into my deep thoughts at night

Hunting me relentlessly and without stop.

As I peer through the window sill

I catch a glimpse of light and smile,

Its been dark for quite a while

But somehow I still have not forgotten

How color looks like

Even though I now perceive the world,

In shades of gray

I guess that gray is a perfect mix

Between two ends that do not often meet

Or at least for me they don’t.

In its banality I feel at ease

Or probably rather more accustomed to

Why look for color?

When you can paint your life in gray

Why even bother to improve

When you can always use the gray

Into my veins it clenches tight

Onto my very blood cells

There is no need to fight

Soon even the color within me will disappear

And I will become one

With eternal everlasting mediocrity

International Disorder – rambling of the deranged scholar

(To be rambled very quickly)
Regardless of the debate regarding
the effectiveness of international legalization,
one cannot deny
from a descriptive point of view
that the cultural values of the renaissance
and enlightenment eras in Europe
act as the building blocks
of our modern international liberal order.

To the extent in which
the international normative environment
is contingent on the sociocultural values
of a specific form of polity
(that of Europe to be precise),
an anomaly arises
when such an international model is used
to govern diverse polities
with different understandings of social values.

One could assume
that only when an international order
that better reflects the notion
of uneven and combined development
comes into existence,
then such an anomaly can be solved.

In this respect we may conclude
that the current liberal order is anachronistic
with the logic of social evolution
and of humanity as a whole.

Bedroom Bliss – sonnet of the man in love

Combined with smiles and laughter I release
My inner anger spreads into the air

The stench of fear is overcome by peace
The calmness of an empty dragon’s lair

A smile so innocent from her lips so pure
Unclothes the pieces of my inner gloom
The more she smiles the more I feel secure
Undressing me as spring bursts into bloom

She shakes as I exchange her gentle touch
We mate and I ascend into a haze
The fire burns as we lay whole and clutch
Our passion keeps the dying flame ablaze

Forever seems to linger far away
All I ask for is another day

Thorns – dilemma of the eternally troubled

The countless thorns we try to pluck
We count and pluck and throw away
Have made another bush beneath our feet
And now the thorns we once had overcome
Are sounding bells for our own sad defeat

When plucking thorns it is a must to think
Beyond the pleasure of the pain
of plucking our own plights

What of the thorns when they’re discharged?
A harmless little lifeless thing we think
But soon enough we come to learn
That as we march towards victory
We drown in our own reckless pride

For such a future prickle pickle
Remember to go against your instinct
Don’t pluck the living hell out of yourself
Instead just treat the wounds and wait until
Those thorny bastards fall off along your way

The Graveyard – wisdom of the sad and depressed

Pestilence in our imagery controls our sight
And everything we sought to have falls short
Of what our fingertips can reach for
With impaired vision and obstructed touch
We yell out loud to rip apart the void
That engulfs our entirety but alas
Our sounds bounce of the thickness of our cage
And we end up victims of our own decree
With bleeding ears, incapable eyes and severed hands
We rest on what we used to call our home
Turned into something of our grave
Appliances and rooms just objects in the yard
And compounding our ordeal we’re left with taste and smell
The taste of misery and smell of a decaying corpse